Team America: Week 2 Report

In an early season match-up Team America dispatched Safe Sets three games to none last night.

Team America looked good early, easily winning the first game. Dominating from the outset it was obvious that America had ironed out rotational wrinkles that resulted in losing a game in last week's match. Game two started out similarly, with America coming out hitting and extending their lead after falling behind 2-0 early.

America played at a higher level defensively, with multiple players registering blocks. Jim Jacobsohn, a.k.a Captain America, registered his first career block and also a double team block with setter Steve “Tron” Veltman. When asked about it later, Jacobsohn responded, "I'm just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ballclub." Bryan Stroh is also credited with a number of single blocks and did an excellent job of making tackles in open space.

Not to be outdone the women of Team America put down vicious spikes. Ali "Line Judge" Jacobsohn sent a ball viciously across court, momentarily causing the opposing player to pee themselves. When questioned later about the incident the Safe Sets player responded, "If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis." Strong side hitter Brooke "So much more than a creek" Strathman lead the way in kills, literally. When asked about the incident Joel "Mathlete" Toledo said, "Brooke killed a guy. Actually I've been meaning to talk to her about that. She may want to lay low for a while. Stay with some relatives nearby or a safehouse. She's probably wanted by for murder."

The early lead proved to be fleeting as a combination of tough serving, sloppy serve receive and Mathlete coming up to set out of service position allowed Safe Sets back into the game. Team America survived the run but was down 14-11 at that point. Strong serves from Kristin “Skewers” Ewers and Sarah “Bizmarck” Colton brought them back along with strong digs by Matt “I try to touch tall things” Lehman. The highlight of the night came when Team America was at game point and Bryan “Macho League” Stroh announced his presence with authority and ended the game with a spike.

**Correction: When Team America was down 10-14 it was Matt "Furby" Lehman that rattled off five consecutive serves to bring us back. The defensive pick ups were made by Kristin and Sarah.**

Game three started with mass confusion, as Safe Sets went into a hurry-up no huddle offense and caught Team America with a bad defensive package on the field. When asked later about the debacle, defensive coordinator Veltman just responded by saying “I blanked.” Finally able to compose themselves, Team America went on to win the third game in rally scoring.

When asked at the post game news conference, Matt “Tall Things” Lehman summed it up best, “Let’s go drink.”

Next week – bye week.

End of the Season

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

-Winston Churchill

I've been trying to figure out what to say about last Sunday's loss to the Carolina Panthers. I sat in disguised hopefulness throughout the game, knowing inside the outcome before the kick-off. As Del Homme connected with Steve Smith on the second play of the game for a long touchdown pass, part of me felt vindicated and the rest of myself hated me for it. Then something funny happened, the Bears came back. Through the course of the game the offense made enough plays and the defense got out of its own way enough to cut the lead to two points. In the end it wasn't enough, and the Bears' season is now over.

How is a fan supposed to feel? Do you analyze the game and the decisions made, dissecting every play and what could have happened differently? Do you look back on the 2005 campaign nostalgically, enjoying all the ups and downs and neck beards it brough? Do you put this season in the past and move on, looking forward to the upcoming draft and next season? I think in the end a true fan does all three.

I've finally gotten to the third party and hungrily await the 2006 season. I think enough progress was shown in this past year to give even the most cynical of fans hope that Chicago's playoff drought will be eased and they'll bring the Lombardi trophy back to Chi-town. So, as Churchill said, the beginning has ended, so let's see what comes next.

Don't Hassle the Hoff

Apparently the International Federation Of Competitive Eating's new unit of measure for burgers is the exact weight of David Hasselhoff's head.

Let me give that a second to sink in.

Ready? No, ok.

...

Now? No?

...

My first question is why David Hasselhoff? What about David is synonymous with burgers? Schnitzel I can see. Even spatzel would be believable, but hamburgers? You may be saying to yourself, "But Foo Tasian, the hamburger hails from Hamburg, Germany doesn't it?" While that may be technically true, is anything more American than the hamburger?

My second question is will The Hoff comply with these requests? Seriously, he already made a guest appearance on American Idol a couple years back, what else does he have to lose. Not to mention he can plug the upcoming Knight Rider movie that is currently in production. He should just go for it and find out what that melon weighs.

See, what had happened was...

Things I learned over New Year's weekend 2005-2006 as I waited for the beer to dry off my pants for the third time...

...my computer servers hate me and they know when I have a day off scheduled.

...my girlfriend can get drunk off of one glass of champagne.

...with the right people, 3-4 Plates of Penis can be really fun.

...apparently not everyone felt like getting serious about drinking.

...Piro can get serious enough about drinking for everyone.

...a 104 degree hot tub in 25 degree weather can make a lot of problems go away, especially when beer is involved.

...you must continually clean a house that you and 11 of your closest friends stay in on vacation, otherwise the final clean-up will be a nightmare.

...golfing may or may not be a sport depending on who you are talking to.

...Piro can do rockstar kicks so high that his back leg will come out from under him, and that's hilarious.

...lamps make suitable microphone replacements.

...chili and cornbread, ain't nothin' wrong with that.

...no more bets, no more bets.

...five homemade dips with accompanying chips far surpasses a bag of doritos and a couple of frozen pizzas.

...the amount of gas in a vacation house decreases exponentially with an increase in girls.

...flippy cup is an awesome game, as long as you don't have the suckie person on your team.

...Trivial Pursuit Millennium edition has a lot of questions about Filipinos in it.

...the number of ducks stepped on increased dramatically after the chili dinner.

...inadequate pants! Inadequate pants!

And the final thing I learned this New Year's weekend...

...the New Year's eve countdown is much more fun with a girlfriend.

Happy New Year Everyone!