The 45 minute drive for everything…or why I’ll never live in California

My family and I were in California this weekend to celebrate my grandmother’s 86th birthday. We try to make the trip every year recently, and spending time with our extended families is always a welcome diversion from the day-to-day grind. Every time that I’m out there someone, either a an aunt, uncle or cousin, inevitably asks me when I’m moving out there. Invariably, I give the same answer, “We’ll see.” In all honesty, the answer should be, “Once L.A. becomes more of a pedestrian city, I’ll consider it. Until then, there’s no way I’m putting up with that much traffic.”

As an example, here are the things that my cousin Mark and I did from the time he picked me up at LAX to the time he dropped me off at my aunt’s house Sunday afternoon.

1) LAX to his house.
2) Lunch at Shaka’s, a pretty good Hawaiian cuisine restaurant.
3) The mall to pick up gifts for my God children.
4) Met up with his girlfriend while she had lunch with friends.
5) Hung out at her house.
6) Went to my aunt’s house.
7) Went to In-n-Out
8) Hung out at the Spectrum boardwalk in Irvine.
9) Back to Mark’s.
10) The next morning we went to REI.
11) Then to Sports Chalet
12) Back to Mark’s.
13) My grandmother’s party
14) My other aunt’s house.
15) The movie theatre.
16) Back to Mark’s.
17) Church on Sunday morning.
18) My other aunt’s house.

Now keep a few things in mind. First, everywhere we went was either in L.A. or Orange counties. Second, this was over the course of a day and a half. Last, the cheapest gas price I saw (for premium) was $3.47 a gallon. Now take a guess at how many miles we logged and how long we were in the car.

Milage: a) 80-149 miles, b) 150-249 miles, c) 250-450 miles
Hours in the car: a) 2-4 hours, b) 5-8 hours, c) 9-12 hours

Have you guessed yet? No, ok I’ll wait.

….

….

We topped out at just over 380 miles in almost 12 hours in the car. Look at that list and tell me you couldn’t get most of that done in Chicago in a quarter the milage and half the time. On top of that, Mark gassed up twice while I was there and spent nearly $50 each time. That is the main reason why I could never live in California. I would go nuts spending that much time in any car let alone my own.

Everything in Southern California is built around the car culture. There’s a mediocre, at best, attempt at mass transit in what’s the second largest city in the nation. I think they have all of two rail lines. Everyone drives, the interstates are massive, and I think I have black lung now due to the smog.

Mark was telling me that one of the interstates we were on is being expanded. I looked out, it was already six lanes in each direction (five for regular traffic, and one for the carpoolers.) Honestly, what’s going to happen to Cali if an oil shortage hits? It’s not like they can just switch over to bikes or rely on rail lines.

One thing I have to admire though is the encyclopedic knowledge everyone there seems to have for locations. You could ask someone there where to go for sushi and they’d be able to name four to five new places all over L.A. and Orange counties, all of which are, you guessed it, 45 minutes away. This would be like me telling you that the new Chipotle in Kane county is a way better set up than the one in Will. It honestly, boggles my mind.

Another redeeming factor for California is the fact that they have In-n-Out there. Simply awesome. I can not stress this enough. If I ever ended up living there I would definitely gain 10 lbs. immediately because I'd probably be getting Double-doubles and milk shakes all the time. Don't even get me started on the fact that they have Chic-fil-A there either.

But this brings me back to my original point. Getting to any of these things usually took at least 30 minutes, usually closer to 45, to get to. After spending my 28 years in Illinois, and the last six in Chicago I don't think I could ever drive more than 15 minutes to get anywhere. Unless of course you're talking about the Chipotle over in Dekalb, because that's a good one.

Flying High

The following two posts were written while traveling somewhat comfortably from Chicago to L.A. for my Grandmother's birthday.

Mobile birth control…Or why I hate to fly Southwest

Now don’t get me wrong, Southwest definitely has some things going for it. It’s inexpensive, they’re on time, and their flight crews are some of the friendliest and funniest in the industry. What I hate about Southwest is the fact that they’ve turned into the Greyhound of the skies. Almost anyone can get a Southwest ticket, and that includes families with little children.

(Now before I get too far into my rant I’ll be honest, when I finally have a family I’ll probably end up taking Southwest and render myself a complete hypocrite in the process.)

A fun little game that we’ve come up with is trying to figure out which kid will be the biggest pain in the ass on the flight. Originally my strategy was to find the loudest most misbehaved kids in the terminal and pick them as my horse. It turns out that it’s a little more complicated than that. Now my strategy is to identify all the kids boarding my flight. Once I have them marked observe if they’re already misbehaving or if they’re sleeping. It’s the sleepers that I’ve learned to watch out for, if only for the fact that they’ll have a ton of energy and be fidgety for the entire flight. Next, figure out how weary their parents are. Full of energy? Great, they’ll put up a fight and hopefully keep their kid under wraps. Tired with a look of defeat in their eyes? Well, that kind of explains itself doesn’t it? The selection process is definitely a work in progress, but it’s definitely better.

As I’m writing this I’m trying to figure out if there’s some way I can turn this into a gambling pool. How would you measure who won? Is it a most passengers annoyed kind of thing? Or do you go with decibels? Perhaps it could be pure duration for a tantrum. Elias would have a field day with this. Little Johnny Smith has a annoyance percentage of 52% in Boeing 737 during coast-to-coast flights this season when sitting next to his father in a window seat. Can you imagine if ESPN covered something like this? Sue Wiggins put on a Herculean show of endurance today, outlasting the Juarez child with a tantrum of one hour and 30 minutes, managing to connect on 35 of 40 passengers within earshot.

Seriously, this could work. You set up the pool at the gate before everyone boards, odds makers would scout the kids out prior to and everyone would make their picks as they handed in their boarding passes. You’d have parents refusing to tend to their kids just to squeeze out a few extra seconds. They’d start bringing multiple kids on board just for the assists. You'd have travelers checking out the departure boards like they were at an OTB. If the airline ran it their cut would provide an additional revenue stream. Seriously, this has to happen. I might even consider flying Southwest again if it did.

On turning 28…or how Optimus Prime made me grow up

Champaign is 150 miles and six years away from my life in Chicago. The drive down I-57 was always a long and uneventful one (unless you count the time the Civic’s engine blew-up, but that’s a story for another time). The road from 20 to 28 however has been full of the usual twists and turns one expects during this time of life. Some of your friends are still in school, are already married, or are parents. There are the successful, the less so, and the ones in between. Out of the shielded reality of school we stand on our own making our way through the world.

Three recent events have encouraged me to turn a retrospective eye on the past decade. First is the fact that I turned 28 last month. Second, I received the save the date for my 10-year high school reunion. Last, I just found out that they are about to release a Transformers: The Movie 20th Anniversary edition. The first two are understandablely vexing, but surprisingly enough (or not surprisingly if you know me) it was the last that really got me freaking out.

At 28, a ten year high school reunion is pretty much your sign that you are no longer a child. Seriously, this is the stuff that Thursday night sitcom plots revolve around. Guy goes to reunion to confront his high school nemesis and hilarity ensues. Girl goes to show off how thin and hot she has become, while her school-age tormentors have turned into fat cows, and don’t forget hilarity ensues. I guess my point is, the ten year reunion was something mythological existing out in the ether. “No, I’m too young to worry about that.” “Wasn’t the five year reunion just a little while ago?” Well, now it’s here and there’s no avoiding it.

I suppose freaking out is too strong a word, but honestly how could it already be 20 years since Megatron, defeated in the battle to end all battles, delivered a cheapshot fatal blow to Optimus Prime. I hated Hot Rod for distracting Optimus long enough for Megatron to deliver that blow but I forgave him for two reasons. First, he discovered that the Decepticons had commandeered the ship flying into the Autobot base and second he did, after all, redeem himself in the end by opening the Autobot matrix of leadership, becoming Rodimus Prime and defeating Unicron at the end. (To answer that question that's floating in your mind, yes, you should be scared that I wrote about that, and doubly so because I'm currently on a plane flying to California, so it was from memory.)

I suppose the fact that I was able to remember all of that stands as testament to the importance that particular movie held to my childhood. I can remember going to the movie theater and being close to tears when Optimus dies and being near hysterical when Hot Rod turned into Rodimus. Is it really so long ago that we went to the video store to rent the movie for my ninth birthday, on Beta no less? The fact that next year I could buy the movie a drink (you know, if it was human) has started to put my age into a different perspective.

Gone are the days where the future is some destination down the road, one that I’ll reach when I’m brought to it. As it turns out, I’m here, so what am I waiting for? As it turns out, I’m not waiting for much. Compared to some my life is very good, to others I haven’t done (or accumulated) enough, but to me it feels right. I work hard to find a balance between being happy with what I’ve accomplished and what there is left to be done. I have a loving family, a beautiful girlfriend, friends that I trust, a good job and a growing faith. Other than that 20th anniversary dvd, what more could I need to face the road ahead?

The Jennifers...or When Birds Attack

So this was the weekend of Jennifers, as it was my sister's birthday and Clare's sister's visit to Chicago.

My Jennifer, or Jenny, JBean, or Chuck as she's know by her friends celebrated her birthday by paying a whole lot of money to go to a salon and get her hair done. Granted it did look nice and the highlights were good especially in light of what they look like on most Asians, but for the amount that she paid I could have bought a few rounds of golf, an iPod or Liza Minelli for a day. Seriously though, I suppose my perspective is skewed since I usually don't spend more than $20 on a haircut. Granted, I'll probably go 5-6 times more in a given year than she will but still. Anyway, we went out for dinner as a family Saturday night and that was nice. We ended up at Domo 77, a local hibachi restaurant. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. Our chef was great and successfully executed the onion volcano. All in all a good time.

Earlier in the day I was able to spend time with Clare and her sister Jennifer (did I mention it was the weekend of Jennifers?) downtown. As Jennifer mentioned in the Ezell blog, the food was great but the beignets were ridiculously good. I had the Max burger, which is a 1/2 pound of ground beef, rib tips, bacon, mushrooms, barbecue sauce and cheddar cheese. Did I finish it? Of course, but I've felt lighter.

After lunch we decided to kill time before their movie and took a walk around Millennium Park. The jewel of the Chicago Park District, Millennium park was officially opened in the summer of 2004. It has outdoor art in the Bean, or Cloud Gate as it is officially known, and the water faces fountain/sculpture. It also has a Frank Gery designed amphitheatre which we took a walk around. Next to the theatre are the gardens. They have a recreated prairie landscape, wading pool/river, and an evergreen "forest." This is the point in the story where we get into trouble. As we were walking past some of the evergreens a kamikaze finch comes out of nowhere and pegs me right in the back of the head. This was a traumatizing experience, and in case you can't picture it I'll provide a vivid reenactment. Suffice it to say Jennifer and Clare thought this was hilarious, but at least they stopped laughing long enough to see how I was doing. Obviously, from the post incident picture above, I am ok.

So to summarize...Jennifer T - good birthday, great highlights. Jennifer E. - good visit, great food. As for the finch, well let's just say that I'm hanging around Millennium Park with a sling shot during my lunch hours.

May 2006

After a prolonged absence I’m back. I was going to write another uber-blog but decided that it was taking too long to get around to doing that. Instead let’s just recount all that May 2006 had to offer in convenient list form. Now from the top, with feeling…

• The New Hotness. If you haven’t already read my entry I was poetic about the fallen Crackpod and my New Hotness.
• The birthday. I’m getting old. Ok maybe not that old, but when Transformers the movie is celebrating its twentieth anniversary, you know you’re not a young man any more.
• Days off. I had to use seven days of vacation in May or I would lose them. What did I do with all of those days? See the next point.
• Video games. May’s weather was craptacular so I ended up spending a bunch of my time playing Civ 3 (yes, I know Civ 4 is out, but when C3 plus the two expansion packs are selling for $20 how could I pass it up?) and Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2006. These are two of the most addictive games in history. In fact, they deserve an entry all their own.
• Mrs. Hutchinson Sharon came to town. After Clare spirited her around town, Sharon was nice enough to take us out to Fogo for dinner. Thanks!
• The Grand Prix is no more. After seven of the most expensive months in my automotive history I sold my car. It was the first car that I bought and I wish I could have held on to it, but after the window got busted in (after everything else that happened) it was the final straw. At least I got a good price from Carmax.
• The stomach flu. When you can’t keep saltines and Pepto Bismol down you know it’s going to be a bad few days.
• Mother’s Day. Hope you enjoy those Wicked tickets Mom!
• The end of 24. You know, I’d like to see just one regular day in Jack’s life. Something like, he goes to Starbucks, checks his e-mail, mows the lawn. Something like that, only because you know he’d end up killing at least 12 people through the course of it.
• Memorial Day weekend. My liver is still recovering, but at least we were able to take the cornhole bean bag set out on its maiden voyage.
• Team America. We lost our last match to a bunch of wanks and then we got bounced in the first round of the play-offs. Here’s to another great season!

That’s pretty much it for May. I wish I would have written more through the month, but this will have to suffice. Entries should be coming a little more regularly though, as we document Clare’s first summer in Chicago.